Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
