And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Your mouth is God's brothel.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
