I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
