My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
