i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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