I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
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