I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
