My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
