Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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