I just saw a hot homeless man
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
