The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
