I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
