I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I have surprise drugs for everyone
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
