don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
