There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
two words: eviction party
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
