Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
