some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
