apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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