There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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