WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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