too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
