Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I want her autograph on my taint
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
