if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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