I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
