I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
All the doctor said was why
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
