We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Randomize
