I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
