I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
