Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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