So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
