My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
