someone threw a dead crab at me
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
love makes seman taste better
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
