You're my little dorito
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
