That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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