i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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