Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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