You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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