why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
