In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize