apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
