just tell him i said nine months
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
