There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
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