Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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