my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
