yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
