That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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