I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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