he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
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