Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
