I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
