I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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