My liver just broke up with me...
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
