Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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