Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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