how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
