I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
All the doctor said was why
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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