So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
