you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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