remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
