Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I bet he comes in French.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
