I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Randomize
