His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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