No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
