Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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