get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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