just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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