I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
