Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
