i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
