we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
