Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
You pole danced in your parka.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
