The best revenge is premature balding
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
