Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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