He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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