This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
they need to just BURY HIM!
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
