why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Randomize
